Positive self-talk can help motivate your kid as well as improve their health and self-esteem. Learning how to reframe thoughts from negative to positive statements can benefit your kid through their entire life, especially when facing challenges.
Research shows that positive self-talk can help reduce stress and create greater resistance to the common cold. Reframing thoughts can also reduce self-doubt and allow kids to recognize there is always something they can do when facing problems. Read on for six tips on how to teach your kid to access positive self-talk.
A handout and worksheets for kids to learn positive self-talk will be on the Positive Self-Talk Resources page.
Purchase our My Mind Has No Limits T-shirt to wear a positive reminder of everyone's limitless potential. Available for purchase in infant, toddler, youth, and adult sizes.
Identify Negative Self-Talk
Sometimes we don't realize that our kids are talking to themselves negatively internally. We must first recognize negative thought patterns before teaching them how to change this habit. Listen for judgemental and all-or-nothing statements that jump to conclusions including sentences with words such as "I can't," "I never," and "I always." When you hear a negative self-talk statement, take the time to process them with your kid and find ways to reframe it towards more positive thoughts.
Flip Thoughts Using Facts and No Judgement
Encourage your kid to state facts instead of jumping to conclusions or coming up with judgmental statements about themselves. Avoiding judgements can prevent your kid from feeling like a failure or assuming that something going wrong reflects a flaw in their identity. Reframing negative self-talk into positive ones can help your kid see that they can control how they see a situation even if they can't control what happens.
For example, if your kid did poorly on a school project and they say, "I messed up on that project. I am stupid."
Reframe to: "I didn't get the result I wanted on that project. I can try again with another project. I will brainstorm ways I can improve."
Explain that because the project didn't come out the way they wanted, it doesn't mean it was a bad project or that they are stupid.
Provide The Right Types of Praises
Sharing your opinions about what your kid has accomplished or what they are doing well allows them to adopt a similar perspective about themselves. This provides examples of what sort of statements they can say to themselves for positive self-talk.
A professor at Stanford University, Dr. Carol Dweck, found that there are ways to praise kids towards a growth mindset that allows them to take on challenges. Instead of providing person praise, focus on process praise. Give compliments on the actions your kid is doing well and provide specific feedback on their performance.
For example, instead of saying "You're a great artist," say, "You used great color combinations and brush skills."
Ask Others For Praise Examples
Providing your kid examples of positive attributes they have can help with their self-talk. Try asking for feedback from other adults in the community like their aunt, neighbor, or teacher. This way they can get a variety of examples and see patterns of what they are good at. Additionally, kids can sometimes feel discouraged by praises from parents, claiming that "Of course my mother or father will think this about me!" Outsourcing praises can show them it's not just their parents that think positively about them.
Create Positive Saying Reminders
After talking with your kid, going through situations where they can flip negative thoughts, and getting examples of praise from others, compile a list of go-to positive sayings and statements. This can be done as an activity with your kid using drawings and crafts or printed out as a list of sayings on paper. Post these positive sayings up in classrooms, your kids room, or around the house. It will remind them of what they can say to themselves when they are feeling negative.
List Different Situations to Practice
Sometimes your kid doesn't realize that they are experiencing negative self-talk or what situations in life can trigger such thoughts. Talking to them about the different times they can practice positive self-talk can help them be more aware. This includes when:
- They feel nervous.
- They feel frustrated.
- They feel like they are not good enough.
- They feel like giving up.
- They feel embarrassed.
- Someone says something mean about them.
- Someone treats them badly.
Visit our Positive Self-Talk Resources page for a handout and worksheets to teach kids positive self-talk.
Summary
Download Tips to Teach Positive Self-Talk - Color
For a black and white printer-friendly version and additional resources, visit our Positive Self-Talk Resources page.
Purchase our My Mind Has No Limits T-shirt to wear a positive reminder of everyone's limitless potential. Available for purchase in infant, toddler, youth, and adult sizes.