Ambitious pursuits can take grit to push through and overcome so feelings of wanting to give up are normal. Whether your kid is playing a sport, learning a new instrument, working on a school project, or completing any other goal, challenges can easily arise. How can you help them cultivate a can-do attitude during these tough times? Instead of watching your kid have self-doubt and let go of their dreams, try these steps below to motivate them to hang on.
For worksheets to help teach kids goal-setting check out our Goal Setting Resources page.
For empowering products to remind your kid of their full potential check out our Only Threat is My Potential design. Available products include backpacks, face masks, and shirts for toddlers, youth, and adults.
Tell Them It's Okay to Feel These Emotions
All emotions are valid. Let your kid know it is okay to feel like giving up. The important thing is what action they choose to take following the emotion. Let them know there are ways to manage the emotion. Instead of acting out or shutting down, they can choose different actions to take, including some listed below.
Share Your Struggles at Their Age
Let them know it is normal to experience struggles by sharing a personal story of a challenge you had at their age. Explain how you felt and reflect on what you did after. What helped you? Or had you wished you tried again?
It can help your kid to know they are not alone in their feelings of wanting to give up. You can also share examples of famous people who have failed and decided not to give up.
Celebrate Their Wins
Highlight what your kid has accomplished. Tell them that they have shown effort and persistence. According to Dr. Carol Dweck, the way we praise kids can determine whether they develop a growth mindset or not. Growth mindsets motivate them to take on challenges. This means providing:
- Specific process-focused praises instead of person-focused praises. For example, explain skills they used that are good.
- Feedback on your kid's performance.
- Encouragement with objective statements to develop internal evaluation. Avoid statements using "I like."
Also avoid using praise as a reward, comparing your kid to others, having unrealistic expectations, and focusing on judgment to evaluate your kid's progress.
Remember the Purpose Behind Their Goal
When using the SMART goal-setting method, it is important to identify why the goal is important. How will it help in the future, who it helps, or why your kid wants to accomplish the goal. If your kid starts to give up, refer to their SMART goal worksheet. Remind them why they decided to pursue the goal. Ask what they enjoyed about it so far.
Brainstorm Strategies to Deal with Obstacles
To help your kid focus on how they can continue with their goal, brainstorm ways to face obstacles head-on. Identify the issues they are facing and reflect on how to approach the situation differently. Create a plan and a back-up one to let them know that there are always options to try again if an initial plan fails. Instead of just assuring them with praise, emphasize action and how your kid can solve his/her problem.
Teach Them Positive Self-Talk
Share with them the benefits of positive self-talk. Negative thinking habits can make kids feel like giving up. Instead, encourage them to reframe their thoughts. When they start doubting their abilities to accomplish something, let them know that there is something they can do about it. Read our Positive Self-Talk post for details on how to teach your kid positive self-talk. We also have Positive Talk Resources available for download.
Remind Them It's Okay to Take a Break
Explain to kids that taking a rest or step back from pursuing their goal or activity is okay. This doesn't mean they must give up completely. Sometimes we just need a small break from facing a challenge head-on. The time away can be used to brainstorm how to approach it again or can be used to put the goal on pause altogether. Make sure to set a time-frame of how long the break will be and when they plan to start trying again.
Summary
Download Don't Give Up PDF - Color
For a black and white printer-friendly version and additional resources, visit our Goal Setting Resources page.
For an empowering t-shirt to remind your kid of their full potential check out our Only Threat is My Potential shirt available for purchase in blue, grey, and white.